Certificates for the Carpenters

We hired a local Afghan contractor to build a couple of wooden buildings, install the plumbing and do a little site work.  The contractor hired a group of carpenters from north of Kabul and left their young civil engineer on site and in charge of the job.  The head carpenter (on the left in the picture below, the "Master of the Carpenters" is in the center, the engineer is on the right) is a pretty strong old man, dresses like he stepped out of a National Geographic issue from the Afghan/Soviet War (has the beard to match) and somewhat intimidates the civil engineer.  From the first day they showed up on site they wanted to know that if they did a good job would I give them a Certificate.  I said sure, but only if they did a good job.  Every day I would walk out to the site and the carpenter would come over, shake my hand, wave his arm toward what they were doing, give me a thumbs up and say OK.  I would usually say yes and then we would say “Certificate!!” (I think he only knew how to say OK, certificate and cigarette in English).  I would get our interpreter or the civil engineer over and have them tell the carpenter that if he got the building done in three days I would give him a certificate.  He would laugh, say something in Dari (probably fussin’ at me) and go back to work. 

Occasionally we would have to get the carpenters to correct some work or add some trim work.  If the head carpenter didn’t agree with what the civil engineer was telling him, they would have a short discussion and the carpenter would stroke his beard indicating he was older and wiser than the civil engineer.  The engineer would look dejected, so we would step in and have him tell the carpenter that if he didn’t correct it we wouldn’t give him the certificate.  The carpenter would laugh and eventually would correct it.  Or, if we didn’t say anything the engineer would just look at us and say “I will get the Master of the Carpenters to tell him to fix it”.  The “Master of the Carpenters” was another man that was the boss, but much less intimidating. 

The FOB doesn’t let the locals coming on the base bring their cigarettes.  So whenever we would come on site the QAs would give them one of their cigarettes and they’d smoke while we talked.  Once they realized the QAs would always give them cigarettes, they would quickly come to them and ask for one.  One day the engineer walked up to me and said “You know that they always go to Dave first because he has cigarettes.”  He was trying to make sure that my feelings weren’t hurt and that he knew who was in charge J

Close to end of the job the head carpenter and I had our usual exchange and he asked for a certificate.  I asked him how long until the buildings were done.  He said, “Maybe 8 days.”  I picked up a piece of cardboard, signed it, gave it to him and told him that this would do until he’s finished.  It surprised him and he thought it was pretty funny, we had to take a picture to capture the moment.

We have finally come to a close on the main carpentry part of the project.  Other than some punch list items and other minor work they have finished up.  The consensus was that they wanted their pictures and names on the certificates.  Dave (the QA) and I prepared them and signed them.  We all gathered so I could hand out the certificates.  Dave and I thanked them individually and told them how we really appreciated their work and efforts.  The head carpenter then gave a touching speech thanking us for giving them the opportunity to work and show what they could do, the opportunity for future work, for being present in Afghanistan and for helping to create a safe place for them to live and work.  His remarks really gave meaning to what we are doing and that we are really helping people.

ANP Headquarters

There are a lot of different government entities in Afghanistan that are trying to get projects started/completed/approved.  Just like in the States, we don’t always know what the other person is doing and it occasionally causes conflicts.  Two government bodies not knowing what the other is doing is one thing, throw in the culture of how things are done in Afghanistan and you have a whole new dynamic.

I have an Afghan National Police Headquarters that I’m building in a district near the FOB.  I get a call from a Civil Affairs person at a nearby COP and he tells me that I’m building my well on some land that the Sub-Governor promised them in the District Center.  That’s interesting, considering the Corps has also met with the Sub-Governor and arranged to build the ANP HQ there. 

We arrange to meet with the Nevada Agricultural Development team to look at the plans they had approved for the District Center.  It appears that I’m building a HQ building on top of their apricot and cherry orchards (or that they want to build it under my building) and both of us have permission from the Sub-Governor to do this.  After trying to resolve the situation we discover that the ANP Chief and the Sub-Governor are both aware of what’s going on, but the ANP Chief doesn’t want to give up his HQ building with walls and towers and the Sub-Governor doesn’t want to give the ANP Chief all the land and apparent power. 

After discussing with Civil Affairs possible compromises we get a sit-down with the ANP Chief.  Four of us (the Civil Affair CPT, the MAJ in charge of helping to train the ANP, the PM and myself) are ushered in to the Chief’s office by his bodyguards to find he is in a meeting aligning himself with the ANA of another province.  After 30 minutes of discussing possible locations for the HQ building (in which the main topic of discussion was how much land he was going to get and the number of towers along his wall) the Mayor and Sub-Governor come in.  Negotiations start all over.  From the body language it looked like the Sub-Governor was trying to appease his head strong son (maybe he was?). 

Eventually the PM and I had to leave to make our ride back to FOB Shank.  The ANP Chief walked us out to the COP and made it clear where he wanted his walls.  After much hand shaking and a picture we were off.  I later found out that they continued to meet for another 2 hours and………………….accomplished nothing.  However, after talking to the Civil Affairs person today, he seems resigned that I’m going to get my building where it is and he is going to have to move his orchards.  If the ANP chief gets his walls, I might have a friend for life!!!!!!!

 

How to get the stench out of a shoe and Sera's letter

Obviously our culture and Afghan culture differ.  And, some things are lost in translation.  It usually makes for a good laugh and sometimes for a frustrating conversation.

 

The other day my QA (Dave) went to check on a building that our Afghan contractor is building.  When he looked up at the roof to make sure everybody was working safely he noticed that one guy didn't have any shoes on.  He asked him to come down and explain what was going on.  The worker told him that his shoes stunk so he took them off.  Dave asked him to put his shoes back on but the worker said they were full of sand.  Of course Dave asked why they were full of sand and the response was that he was trying to get the smell out of them.  We're still not sure who was complaining about the smell of the shoes or who told him to take them off.  I guess some mysteries will never be solved.

 

Below is a letter Sera wrote for our office.  Lily didn't want to be left out so she colored it.  If you can't read it it says:

 

Dear Corps of Engineers,

I think it's so nice that you guys are helping Afghanistan.  You guys are also bringing so much pride to our country.  I just wanted to tell you that my family and I are happy to know that people like you guys are protect our country.  Keep up the great work.

Love Sera

 

 

Pizza and Birthday

A group that one of our QA's belongs to at home decided to send some hammers to a group of Afghan carpenters building a Sea Hut for us.  They only had a couple of hammers between the 10 of them and the ones they had weren't in very good shape.  One day a box of hammers arrived with a condition, get the building dried in and this group would by them pizza for lunch.  Great, this was going to be fun!!!  Even better, they have never had pizza and were somewhat reluctant to try it. 

 

The day finally arrives and our QA and interpreter go down to get the food; pizza (no pork), some rice in case they don't like the pizza and some nan brought in from outside the base.  The carpenters throw some plywood down and gather to enjoy lunch, as they do every day.  We start dispersing pizzas in front of them and in our ignorance forget to tell them the proper way to eat pizza. (I should mention that their typical meal is nan, rice, and goat or chicken.  They break the nan and use it to scoop up the rice and meat)  As we're sitting down I notice the confused looks on their faces.  Then one of the younger guys gets up, grabs the nan and starts giving it to everyone.  Then they break the nan and start scooping the topping off the pizza with the nan and eating it. 

 

We finally convinced them to eat the pizza as we would.  They said they liked it, but I think they were just saying it to be polite.  It's a safe bet that there won't be any Pizza Huts opening up anytime soon!!

 

 

I had a pretty fun birthday yesterday.  We went out to the Afghan restaraunt, convinced one of the workers to put on our new favorite Indian movie (Dabangg), and had a good time.  When we got back I was surprised with a cheesecake (somewhat illegally confiscated from the DFAC), which was promptly washed down with near beer.  A good time was had by all!!

 

 

Home Front News:  Listening to Katy talk it's a non-stop comedy club at our house. 

 

After dreaming up some new adventure in his mind Christian came downstairs and yelled "Captain No-Beard is my name and Pirate-Shippin' is my game!!  Sera, you want to sale the 7 seas?!?!"

 

Lily managed to escape the grasps of Katy, Sera and Christian in Wal-Mart the other day.  Lily eluded everybody by slipping through the swinging doors into the bakery.  After Sera finally tracked her down Katy heard Sera tell Lily, "You're lucky they didn't think you were a chicken.  You could have ended up as somebody's lunch!"

I'm Back

WAR EAGLE!!!  NATIONAL CHAMPIONS!!!!!!

 

 

 

For those of you in Columbia.....be thankful that I am over here and you don't have to listen to me (my office is ready to send me back if I tell them one more time that Auburn won).  Maybe I'll have it out of my system by the time I get back and you won't have to listen to me brag about the Auburn Tigers.......or.......I'll make up for lost time.  Hopefully none of you will lose any sleep in anticipation.

  

Getting home for Christmas was great.  The kids were off the whole time I was at home so it couldn't have worked out better.  It was fun just hanging out with Katy and the kids.  It only took about a day and a half to finish off Katy's list of things to fix while I was home.  I found out that the threat of no beer until I get my chores done is a pretty good incentive!!!  Sorry I didn't get a chance to come to the office and say hey, but the kids wouldn't let me out of their site while I was there.  We mainly hung out around Columbia and visited friends.  The day before I left I presented Christian's class with a flag and certificate that I flew for them.  I told them about our mission over here and how life in Afghanistan is different from theirs.  Of course, these were four year olds so they were mainly interested in the kind of animals over here, why a lot of the children didn't go to school and what did the kids play with.  I think a good time was had by all, maybe we'll have some Corps recruits knocking on the door in the future.

 

The flights back and forth between here and the states were pretty uneventful.  I spent most of my time in the Dubai airport trying to figure out how the husbands can tell who their wives were by only being able to see their eyes.  My FB friends came up with some pretty crazy ideas.  I'm pretty sure none of them were even close to the truth, but they were entertaining and helped me pass the time.

 

Things remained relatively unchanged here.  Getting colder.  Some projects moved along fine, some didn't.  Food hadn't changed except that they found some place to get fries and mushrooms for omelets.  I think they had a change in management philosophies, now if the omelet line runs out of cheese and you get some from the salad bar to put in your omelet you get fussed at.  I guess in Afghanistan there is omelet cheese and salad bar cheese....they aren't interchangeable.....and it's a matter of life and limb, at least according to the manager.

 

Thanks to all my friends at the Ft Jackson NEC for sending me a Christmas box!!  I got it when I returned.  It's always nice having something waiting on ya when you get back.

 

Our intrepeter watched the last half of the Auburn game with me and is now the newest Auburn fan.  He's not exactly sure what that all entails, but he figured that if you get to throw toilet paper on a tree when you win, he was all in! 

 

He gets paid about $400 a month and additional money if he goes out on missions with us.  He sends all his money home to his mother.  She's a school teacher and makes about $100 a month.  His dad is disabled.  Of course, his mother is scared to death for him and is afraid that the Taliban will get him or he will get hurt out on a mission.  The other interpreters in his tent are jealous because he works for the Corps.  He gets to learn about construction, we don't go outside the wire to often, and when we do it's not to clear IEDs or hunt Taliban.  Such is the life of an interpreter in Afghanistan.

 

HOME FRONT NEWS:  It's cold in SC and y'all are getting snowed in.  Katy was excited that one of Christian's friends came to the house to see if he could come out and play so she could get the kids out of the house for awhile.  I guess he hung out with me too long while I was home because his response was "It's too d**mn cold outside.  I'm going back to the living room.".  I must have been a BAAAD child and now I'm reaping my rewards.